earthmamma, strange you should say that, because i gave my t allthe stuff i'd been posting, and in order and she said the rage was instantly followed by deep grief ..... grief for a lost childhood, my grandad, and my mum (who is still alive but choses not to get help, believe everything about the abuse i suffered at the hands of her lover and her, and therefore is out of my life).......

there IS deep sadness, and i've always avoided that i suppose until now ..... i have a feeling of being powerless and not in control right now.... but i will go thru this and come out the otherside ......i have to for my sake and my familys ..... thankyou so much for your replies and support.

Kerry xxxx