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Originally Posted by Victoria'smom
Why do I have to feel like **** but also not want to take medicine. My husband took of the closet panel for me to show me there wasn't a speaker in the wall. So yeah I've been a bit terrified of t and pdoc. Now t have to tell her Thursday.
Today we talked about why I don't like people in my house or have keys to my house, we talked about si and the hospital, masking, trust. How some of my stuff that we attribute paranoia is rooted in things that have happened.
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One thing my NP in the hospital taught me is that it doesn’t really count as psychotic paranoia if it’s happened before. Like my fear of my meds being poisoned? I’ve been incorrectly dosed and ended up delirious for weeks before, have been forced to keep taking an injection I was allergic to, was forced an injection that’s side effects were bad enough to cause a sui attempt. Me wanting control over my meds isn’t “out of touch with reality.”
But just because a belief might be based on a trauma doesn’t mean it’s an accurate belief. 90% of the time I tolerate my meds and unless I’m on a CD (or actively in the hospital on an IEA) I do have the right to refuse them and now have a pdoc that tries to listen and help. It doesn’t feel that way though because past events make things seem less certain.