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@Nammu That's so sad. You are right; your father died young.
My dad is 72 and still hasn't retired. I doubt he will until illness or age catches up with him. He just had to have operation on a 2nd hernia a couple weeks ago because of trying to lift too much for his age while working on his truck. I try so hard to find compassion for my dad especially with knowing he's likely got Asperger's or something like it but you can't undo those years when I was a child with an angry, abusive father either especially when my sisters and I were all really good kids and we couldn't understand why we were being yelled at and punished so much. If it were my mom alone, she would barely have punished us for a thing, my dad punished and spank way beyond an appropriate age (to around 12 or 13). And of course, I didn't really know anything about mental illness growing up and even less about Aspergers until I started researching my daughter's sensory issues and how often when speaking her voice takes on a monotone quality but she doesn't have nearly the anger and rage of my father and seems more varied in her interests but all these things are a bit of a spectrum as I understand it. And even if my father always did feel misunderstood by others, it wasn't his right to take it out on his kids and even worse, my mom just to stand by and let it happen. I've had some issues with forgiving my mom for this but I've finally let that go; from what I understand she married to get away from an alcoholic father who'd come in at times raging he was just going to shoot the place up and didn't care if he killed them all, so things definitely weren't great in her own paternal experience; though finally my grandfather did stop drinking and was a wonderful granddad until he passed away.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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