It’s interesting to read about your experience. From my own experience, my relationship with my father grew more fractious and polarised from my early teens onwards, getting gradually worse each year. As I got older, I realised that he was a misogynistic, racist, homophobic, emotionally unstable man. We were polar opposites. Eventually our relationship totally broke down, shortly before he died. His final words to me were spoken in hate and anger. I tried really hard to communicate with him, but in the end I think it was an impossible task. However, it has left me feeling like I have a gap in my life. I wish it could have been different.

Your sense of guilt you said you feel resonates with me, but sometimes in life you do your best and things just aren’t meant to be. The fact that your relationship with your daughter is excellent is a credit to you, and I think it’s things like that which are worth focusing on. You got it right with your daughter.

I often felt like I had to be the parent in my relationship with my own father - especially when dealing with his bad behaviour towards other family members. I wonder if you did too? It shouldn’t be that way around.

For many reasons though, some people just aren’t cut out to be parents, and they find out all too late that they can’t cope. I guess it’s a question of how bad are they going to be and what devastation and legacy will they leave behind. As the children of those parents though, I don’t think we should carry the guilt.

Jeff.