I am.having to live as something that I am not. Certain people have convinced the entire population of where I live that I am a transgender woman.

Now to believe something like that proof would be needed, so it got me thinking. Someone must have got photos of me. Yes I do like big baggy more masculine clothes to cover myself up due to weight issues. It does not mean I want to cross dresser.

But the gender reassignment thing was not through choice. Somehow, a temporary nurse lracrionor was able to cover aember of staff some years ago to inject me with what I believe was to be steroids to cause me to have masculine effects.now even though that treatment has now ceased, I still am..ore masculine than I have been. I easily became pregnant. I have 4 children as proof for that. Bit they are now grown up and together with everything else, to point out how people jump on the bandwagon and prefer the majority opinion. People believe my daughters are not my daughter's but carers. Now for a woman in her forties to be banded into a category like that is extremely difficult to live with. To the point where my daughter's tell people they are embarrassed to have me as a mother.

I admit that I had addiction issues that did cause me to have even in my own opinion bizarre behaviours. Now those behaviours are stuck with me. I am accused of being narcissist on top being a cross dresser. This does make for a healthy social.status.

I have been completely ridiculed, tyres smashed, been smashed into the back of people driving close up to me to cause me to become erratic. Everything that could be done to make it lookoke I am the one in the wrong ALL the time. Yes I am in the wrong sometimes. But the thing is when I talk to.soctors about my feelings about being set up to fail. They offer only medication..now I am scared of medications due to themasxulizimg effects..ne er have I ever wanted totramstion into becoming man. Sometimes I have said off the cuff, it would be easier to be a man given my current situation. But I do t actually want to have surgery to change my genitalia.

My situation is, I have become terminally I'll die to some people's flase opinions of me..it's a dead end. I don't want to socialise, at the same time I don't want to be lonely but in my current state I would rather beonely than be mocked and humiliated on the street. Because people think I am a transgender and various other stereotypes that are not true.

I have subsequently asked my psychologist if they could put my case forward to a board of medical govermers to consider euthanisia as an option. I'm scared of these new era so called psychotics the last time I was given them I know through my own knowledge of once actually having worked at basic level in a medical setting that there were steroids in them.

I have no control anymore, I have missed the most important years of my children'sofe due to a divorce, there is a lot of he said she said fling on generally in my life and it's bringing me down. Alot of the time I feel when I try to make friends they instantly take a dislike because I have a horrible voice that irritates them. Some of actually told me to my face how annoying my tone of voice is. I sometimes sing in the shower. I will try to stop bit it is a form of company for me when I am alone. I listen to songs I like and song along to them. I live alone,maybe my neighbour gets peeved by it. So I will try to stop. I don't know when it was considered a bad thing to do singing in the car when you feel a bit down, sometimes singing lifts your spirits. Aslong as I am alone I am not harming anyone.

Now I have the very real prospect of being homeless. Due to my reactive nature to people making up false truths. That I am a man,it's effecting the way people view me. I sense their awkwardness around me. Sadly I have never really been girly girl so I could quite easily pass as being a trans even though I know I am.not.

I can't live any longer as something that people believe me to be when I am not. Some people handle grief and loss on odd ways.i have in the past. A whole 10 years of relationships down the kamikazee. Is what my life has amlinged to.ots very difficult for me to socialise around families.

And true I feel selfish that just because I am. Ot happy others shouldn't be happy. I want people to be happy.i don't need to know about it, they can just be happy on their own with their relationships and happy homes. Just don't rub my nose in what I haven't got. That is my biggest sin, reacting to that behaviour because do you know what. Ot F****** hurts !

Some don't understand that !