|
You sound very similar to the dad I grew up with. I had zero attachment to my dad & my mom was the one who told me that he really loved me. My dad would spend his tkme at home out in the garage working on broken watches or other things. My parents had no friends & even as a kid, I noticed the few things at church they were invited to were because everyone else was invited & they couldn't leave them out. When there I would hear my dad arguing (not just discussing) things with men I knew were intelligent & sounding so stupid. I was embarassed to even say he was my dad. I was so thankful he worked nights so I never had to go to the father/daughter activities of the athletic club I belonged to in Junior High. If my dad said I should do something I guaranteed I did the opposite....like going to college. He didn't want me to go, so I went & was the first one in the family to get a degree & it was Accounting & Computer Science.....just to make my statement heard loud & clear.
It took me until after I left my own marriage after 33 years & trying to sort through what went wrong from even before the wedding to realize it was the same issues I didn't like about my dad & why there was no attachment to eather. With lots of good therapy that & lots of research on aspergers it seemed like both were somewhere on the spectrum & in both cases, attachment was not possible for me & obviously for them. My dad died when I was in my late 30's. My now ex thankfully is 2100 miles away after I left but the financial damage he has done is much worse than my dad did to my mom....but it was the same attitude issues that created the problems.
I never once thought "what did I do?" I knew exactly what I didn't like & had no desire for attachment. Just figured I had to live with it until I could get out.....both with my parents & my marriage. I have lost both my parents & my ex is far away.....but life is so peaceful & calm now, I don't miss any of that past & I sure don't feel guilty not missing it. I hear wonderful functional families & marriages around me now & I am happy for them....it just highlights & reinforces my understanding of just how dysfunctional my parents & my ex actually were & makes me thankful that is no longer in my life
__________________
Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
|