Started this year off on Depakote as a main mood stabilizer, also started this year off with two visits from the PD (one my friend was concerned because I was hallucinating, another because I smashed the corner of a wall in which brought me to the ER just to say "I don't have a time, place, and method of killing myself or anyone else" and be discharged). Got switched to Trileptal and things didn't get much better. I stopped my meds and got better (started sleeping somewhat more regularly, didn't have to smoke weed to keep myself from felonious violent crimes, stopped self-harming, wasn't constantly thinking of killing myself) but was forced back on them via threat of IEA despite me telling them I was doing better and not calling their emergency line 2-5 times a day every day of the week. Not calling them at all.


Ha, now that I've been back on for a little over two weeks, I'm ready to pack my shyt and tell my landlord I'm just gonna live in a tent in the White Mountains for the spring/summer because there's no fuking fridge noises up there.

I don't know. Is it COINCIDENCE that I only felt better off meds and now that they've built up in my system again I'm all fked up again? If I don't feel okay on meds, regardless of what meds, do I REALLY have to take them just because an NP heard from my dad "she gets hyper and angry and sad" when I was 17 and I got the Bipolar label?