Dear Lord
I am actually more terrifying than I seem. I am in the light and perhaps I was in the light and this terrified him. Thats why it is written, The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Because it clings to the light out of fear. Maybe You protected me in some way. Maybe You kept me away from the other guy at least a little. I would have gotten influenced to get more depressed, but I knew I was strong. Why are people like this? Free will. They have the chance to hurt as badly as we can be loved. To tear apart and go. Remorse is the name of the cap they wear to cover the fear that makes them run away. Are they that cowardly to face me? I faced so many people. Apologised and stuff. I am a bag of apologies. I need to apologise to myself for dragging this on. But my therapist tells me it means a part of me needs attention. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Thank You for taking him away. Obviously he bore bad fruits. At that time. He was in the darkness just like my cousins. They will have their reward. But thank You for pruning me and almost killing me in the process. Now I know how powerful You are. That You can do this, bring us to the verge of death but never really anything happens. Wow You are powerful great. Wow. The man was so stupid he would have accepted anything just anything anywhere why do such people exist? This is more an extreme sport than anything i have heard of. He had all the free will Lord but I sincerely wish You had created a taser that twitches us whenever we say something wrong but no we walk and walk and fall and die and You are like ah never mind I still love You. As if I would know better! I was nineteen or something. Wow so smart right. nah. I knew but i was stupid. Just take me away from this please I am so SICK of it. I gave him my favourite songs and everything. So what? You can give it to the next one. Did You not know, how depressed I was? Of course You knew. You still know. Great. Just take me away from this please. First of all You put me in a broken world and then You are like this is for your own good. I am not in the darkness anymore. I am gonna fight. Look how I switch. How unstable I am. How can I carry this. I guess I will still fight. I was born for this. I got selected for student military for a reason. Maybe You saw the drive in me. The quality to fight and keep fighting. But please keep these ****ing creeps away from me please! How can You let them near me and say it was my free will? With every second I am away from the incidents by a second. Yet I am burdened like a donkey carrying stones. I swear You better send me someone who will at least seek me out if they get blocked. Had to let go of all this hear me? I am so angry right now. But relieved that I am safe. Thank You for that I guess
Amen