Please help. I ran into my ex husband yesterday.. it was the first time in one year that we've spoken. I am angry at myself for not ignoring him and avoiding talking to him. But he came up to me, said hello, and I fell right back into a friendlier type of communication with him. We caught each other up on details of our lives - well, it was mainly him filling me in on his stroke, his heart attack, getting fired, then having a car accident whereby he now requires neck surgery. YEP. THose are the details he told me... and he also still tried to get back together with me - yet again - and walked away crying and tearful... he did.

And now I am left with I don't know what. But this morning, I felt really off kilter.

I wish I had not spoken to him at all - though I have to shamefully admit that it's nice to hear he's been suffering without me. He said he's tried to date, but that it's hard. We did talk a little about dating. I told him I had dated a former crack addict. LOL. I don't know why I chose to tell him that. I really do not.

I don't understand myself. Why do I do things the opposite of what I really should do????? Why did I tell him about a less than stellar guy I dated? What, to boost his ego and communicate that I haven't found anyone better yet?????? That's the last thing I want to communicate to him.

WTF is wrong with me???????

I did tell him how great I am doing otherwise. That I quit smoking, that I am exercising (well, I still plan on it), I told him about my vacations and trips and about work and that it's going relatively well aside from my boss.

So, to him, I am doing great, except perhaps with dating - and to me, he is doing fairly awful....

Maybe it's not SUCH a horrible thing to have run into him??? I don't know... you tell me, please... I need perspective here. I just feel very weird, like I've betrayed myself by speaking with him again and letting him in even just a little bit. Like he's won, and I lost.