I don’t remember if I mentioned, so sorry if I’m repeating. I bought a small dotted notebook book for art. I’m hoping that when L comes back, we can trade it back and forth and do art. I might have to get her her own for two reasons: 1. She said she might take awhile to return the book because she doesn’t know how long it will take her. And 2. I have been doing art almost everyday and I might fill up the book (90+ days might equal 90 pieces of art). The art has really helped me keep busy and also a little connected to her.

I am starting to feel a little detached from L. Minus last night crying, I feel like I don’t remember much of our relationship. I feel the emotions, I know extreme events, I hold so much love for her, but the details are already starting to fade. I’m not sure I like that. For someone I basically centered my world on to start fading away after only one week is sad to me. L said it might happen again like last time: the lack of emotional object constancy. Still, one week in? I must be numbing myself, but not consciously or on purpose.