I didn't start my period until I was 12 but I had figured out masturbation by the time I was in 3rd grade. Of course, on the other hand, I was sexually abused by an uncle when I was in 1st grade  so I'm not sure if that plays into it. I just always feel so dirty and shameful even now though I never have felt that way after sex, not even with the loser boyfriends I had before H. I really had hoped those feelings would go away, but they never have. And it's really hard when I'm hypomanic and hypersexual and H works long days with an awfully long commute. I never feel guilty before or while masturbating, but afterwards, I always do. @ unaluna You are probably right; who else to blame but God for making us this way? (I am not Catholic so no adversities with nuns but grew up Presbyterian and consider myself Christian though I don't really link my feelings of shame to Christianity.) Sometimes, I wonder if it was how we were raised as girls; my mom never mentioned the subject of masturbation. But on the other hand, my sister had 2 boys and when they were young she'd find them playing around and just told them to go into their room for privacy if they felt the need to do that and I don't know if getting an ok-green light from a parent at a young age like that makes a difference or not.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
Last edited by Blueberrybook; Mar 17, 2025 at 06:23 PM.
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