The TLDR is this is just an update, nothing new here, still feeling horrible...

I'm so fed up with everything. Things in the world, but also online, with my family etc.

I'm checked out. I don't have the patience or interest to engage with/in almost everything. That includes things like sleeping and eating, both of which have become 'unpleasant', to put it politely.

I thought I had a good feel for depression and how it creeps into everything, but I didn't understand the meaning of 'everything'. I thought feeling low was as far as it would go, but it looks like that's the warm up.

Like I said, eating and sleeping had become unpleasant. Sleeping is no longer a place of refuge, it's just another place for the anxiety and depression to do their thing. I go to bed feeling bad, I feel bad mentally and physically when I try to sleep, and I wake up wondering what else is going to be touched by depression.

My hobbies and things I used to do are no longer interesting.

I'm trying to stop myself from becoming cynical on top of everything else. Gotta hold on to hope somehow right?

So I'm just on Lamictal at this point. I guess I'm getting a preview of what this might be like once I stop that too, but that's after psilocybin in a couple of months.