You realize you just undid the only relationship we have. That's why I'm sad. I have been working on my apartment every day. I got up at 4:30 and did my laundry hence I needed a nap. You don't seem to understand and your own pervasive depression is a constant thing I have to deal with. That also makes me sad for you and I am always at a loss for what to say to you. But don't blame me for your depression. After 20 years I would've hoped that you'd understand that I have bipolar disorder - and for months recently have been in a mixed episode, including a med mix up for two weeks- but you always seem to deny this fact. I feel unloved by you. After 20 years that shouldn't be the case. You don't see what I do do and instead are negative. I can't change your negative outlook towards me. What I heard from you today as you left is "you are not lovable".