Your analysis of the situation (group dynamics, conformity, etc) is really profound. I would volunteer at a local hospice. Or, if there is a children's hospital in your vicinity, ask if you can volunteer to read to or play with pediatric cancer patients. Being of service to others who are in grave distress can change your life and your whole outlook. You won't be ruminating so much, won't be on high alert all the time, and will become less socially anxious and awkward.