Just here to say a quick hello.

I think of you all often.

You have given me hope and reassurance.

Looking back... Wow.... It's over two years separated already.

I'm still loving the peace, especially at night, but it isn't surprising any more. The sense of peace, the profound quiet, used to create a longing in me. That's not there.

Work is good. I started a new job after being heavily recruited.... That was nice, and validating. It carries a lot more responsibility than my old role, and it is WAY more integrated between different departments and teams. Small pay increase, but the new salary progression goes 25% past my old ceiling.

I was on a MS Teams meeting with some of my new colleagues in different regions. We all talked about different ideas and shared some thoughts and directions.... But I was kinda like that meme....

"Don't tell me of the deep magic. I was there when it was written."
Do Not Cite the Deep Magic to Me, Witch | Know Your Meme

I was filling in the gaps... Filling in the history... filling in things that had been tried before.... Filling in WHY things had been done like that in the past..... Then one of my new team started pointing at his laptop and said, "YOU'RE THE GUY! YOU'RE THE GUY THAT DID THIS ALL! YOU'RE THAT GUY! YOU'RE THE GUY THAT STARTED ALL THESE PRACTICES! ARE YOU KIDDING??? WE GOT THE GUY!"

So.... That was kind of cool.

I'm still terrified when I think about the future. My counselor says it is from spending soooo many years in my limbic brain. Never being able to plan, just reacting and trying to survive.

Way back, one of you said my wife was beating me my own guilt like a cudgel. Others said she was manipulating me with her illness, and pointed out their own health challenges and what they need and expect from their partner. Those things changed my perspective and helped me start to break loose from the manipulation.

Dr. Ramani talks about what a counselor wishes they could say.


My counselor has finally rounded the corner, now that I've accepted what is going on, and talks about the abuse I was subject to. I never considered all the missing money as financial abuse. I never considered the chronic loss of sleep and pushing me to exhaustion all the time was physical abuse. I never considered the sexual manipulation and things that happened between us during intimacy were a form of sexual abuse.

Manipulation of the kids continues to emerge.... She threatened my son with divorcing me, and that if he didn't go with her he'd never see his sister, from the time he was in elementary school. I just learned that in 2025.

You all helped me get out. Thank you.

RDMercer