Hi there ((((((((((((onlymedid))))))))))))))
No need for sorries at all. We're happy to see you when you can come.

I understand the confusion. It's great that you are learning more about yourself though. That will definitely help in the long run, though I know it's hard now.

I hate feeling out of control too. It's hard to think sometimes that things are going on, and for me, it feels like it's going on behind my back (even though it's me). When I didn't have awareness, it was still going on, but I didn't think much about lost time because I thought everyone did it. Becoming aware is a step toward healing, but it can also be scary because I'm more aware that I'm not aware. That's the part I hate most I think- outside of the whole acting like an idiot sometimes, coming back to si behaviors, finding myself in a closet hiding from a noise, etc lol

Anyway, I'm glad you could stop in. Please keep us posted as you can. We care.