I used to think there was a true self. But now my true self feels like the mean dog that was slapped into existence by my mother, that has no tolerance for noise, or talking. I dont feel the presence of anyone behind her. But maybe i need to play more now to find her, to bring her out.

I remember never liking to "play house" as a young child, because once the mother slaps the baby, it was game over, literally.