Thanks Mary Alice - good perspective. I think he feels the same way about feeling that it's unacceptable to fail. Maybe better to NOT try and think in the back of your mind that if you DID try, you'd probably succeed.. but what if you didn't?

This is why I really objected to Ferfa's (wink wink) old tagline about trying being the first step toward failure. It really struck a chord with me -- because that's how my boyfriend feels, I think. It just doesn't make sense to me, as a non-depressed outsider, though. I don't see ANY of his attempts as failures - I'm proud of him for everything he has tried. In fact, I see NOT trying as a bigger failure than trying something and not having it work out. This is going to sound cocky, but I can't even think of anything that I feel like I failed, even if the result is different than I expected or hoped for! Except getting him to get a job (ha ha). I just don't see things that way. That's why I can't understand why it is so hard for him, why he has this paralyzing fear. I think to myself "WHAT failure has he even experienced so far????" -- he is just so hard on himself.

But what do you do to get around it? Do you have any advice for him? For me? (and I'm sorry you feel the same way MA - I personally think you rock!)

Ian is going to be a-ok!