Maybe finding who we are is a better angle... Had this convo with T many times... Before therapy it was like I was watching a Tennis match, I'd swing from one view to the next not really knowing within me what I felt was right...had no idea of my music tastes or books I might enjoy... I had to relearn in my 40s/50s what felt right to me and but what The Mother believed to be right for me... Looking back in sure she had her own inner wounds too...