Thanks, @MuddyBoots

Yes, I am talking about continuing life. There seems to be no purpose beyond what I can do for others. My family is rejecting me because I'm feeling too awful to contribute, I'm not working, I have lost interest in practically everything that used to interest me, so I no longer producing any output. As a result, I have no intrinsic value.

So as for the meaning of life and being able to decide what to do, my options are limited. I think I have been convinced that I can make choices, but my reality is very different from that. My choices are limited to what others make available to me, which isn't very much.

I used to think I could live my 'authentic' and 'true' life but the reality is that people like me don't have that luxury because we don't have money, or power and so must live in the environment we're presented with. There really isn't much beyond isolation.

I appreciate that you're an optimistic nihilist, and am jealous of people with your approach. I had, and continue to have hope. My reality has show me again and again that regardless of what I do, however much I hope, things don't get better for me. From my parents to my family and beyond, I have not had the opportunity to find out who I am, it's a completely foreign concept to me. I produce, therefore people, like my family, continue to tolerate me but that time is limited.

I'm aware I have a very negative view of life, however, it is based on what I have experienced in over 55 years of life. It doesn't improve and things don't get better.

So my question, is there a point in continuing with life when I can no longer be useful to anyone? I'm only left with despair and aloneness, discarded by everyone that was once close to me.

I'm not suggesting any 'extreme' measures or actions though.

Region and other things offer false hope for me. Hobbies? Not interested. Exploring my neighborhood? Done that. Travel? Yup, did that too. It all turns out to be a distraction from my reality. Those close me, like my therapist and pdoc can only now offer platitudes. I've reached the end of the line, as far as treatments go save for ECT and MAOIs. But those don't address the source of my depression, they only reduce its visible effect on me, I still feel awful.

Maybe my question is too big.

I should listen to myself and stick with my insight: I can be "well" as long as my pain is neat, marketable, palatable, or invisible.

Thanks for your consideration though.