Hi, just coming back to give a more detailed reply. Checking out the Daniel Fox channel. Seems very in depth. Do you think he is right that impaired self-awareness is a hallmark? (This is a real question, not a challenge.)
Btw, any opinion on Kati Morton's youtube videos? Her style may be a bit more 'content creator'-esque, but sometimes I have found some useful information (or at least assurances, for example when I'm stressed about therapy). Maybe it's more comforting than anything else. But that can have value at times.
One channel and group of vids I've found very interesting (and feel free to share any responses if you know these) are from the channel Borderliner Notes, which I think originated as a place for interviews from the film Borderline (which I have not seen--have you?). The talks by John Gunderson and Otto Kernberg I found particularly insightful.
Kernberg and Gunderson seem to think of the symptom of disturbed sense of self as the cohesive factor bringing together the social, affective, behavorial, and even cognitive areas of the disorder. And interestingly Gunderson describes an interpersonal dimension to each of these (not just the social), which maybe supports the idea that an unstable identity is the glue holding it all together.
For myself (again, undiagnosed and simply doing independent research in the wake of a failed therapy), this was the symptom that jumped out at me and made me feel simultaneously deep shame (like I'd been called out) and a kind of recognition, like I was being seen for the first time. It's very curious my therapist never mentioned this because I had talked about self-diffusion (how I learned to call it) in several sessions. (She was possibly distracted by more urgent matters.)
To respond to something you said: yes in my experiences with these perceptive disturbances the paranoia usually goes along with it. There is often a sense of dread, even ecstatic dread, that comes with a weird feeling of being in hell or that reality is just barely masking a horrific scene, which i'm somehow able to see but no one else can. And this is where my experience disagrees with Gunderson who observes the cognitive area of BPD as only tending to come out in isolation. That might mean that I don't have BPD, or that my experiences are slightly different, or that Gunderson is wrong.
Anyway, I appreciate the time you took to share. If any of what I said resonates with you, or perhaps you have some spirited disagreement, feel free to share. But obviously no pressure.