I've been feeling kind of meh these past few days. Really feeling the weight of bipolar disorder being a life long thing, even if/when stable. I've been feeling grief for the life I thought I'd have and sadness for it not being what I want it to be. But, this volunteer group I've been trying out gives me a lot of hope. They are a very welcoming crew. I'm also actually really looking forward to possibly having a job over the summer. It would give me something to do and I could use the extra money. I'll start looking at potential jobs closer to the end of the school year.

I'm very aware that my loneliness will most likely increase when I move in May and this could easily trigger a depressive episode so I am trying to monitor my mood without getting to anxious about these coming months. Same thing with my POTs symptoms and the possibility of a big flare.

An exciting thing is tomorrow is my last day of school before being on Easter break! I might take advantage of having off Friday by going to Goodwill because I have so few outfits I'm struggling to not wear the same one to school two weeks in a row and sometimes have to double up where I wear an outfit during the week and on the weekend. I also need some clothes that are better for the summer heat. I despise clothes shopping though.