I relate to what you've said about self awareness in the moment. But for me it seems my interpretation of what's happened just changes over and over. Maybe the first two or so changeovers have the character of a realization or a sudden self awareness. But after it switches back over again, picks up steam, it just starts to become a cycle of intensity, back and forth between the two poles. I think when I'm in a stable trusting relationship I'm able to see that a big emotional storm, if I talk about it, was not what I thought it was (and able to feel some semblance of an objective "what it was"). But outside of that, it can always swing back again the other way, and perhaps the response of that person to whom I confessed will echo back in a sinister tone, creating a whole new storm of emotions. This is just an example, albeit a very dramatic one! Anyway, I have not heard of this idea that PDs are CPTSD. Gunderson has argued that there is some genetic component as well, but how that is to be understood and how it is thought to be activated I don't know (and I wonder how much research into its possible genetic origins isn't mostly speculative).