I took the Zyprexa once and am still cursing it. That ****ing **** can go to ****ing hell. I highly doubt I'll ever feel "okay" for more than like half a day straight. I'm open to the idea, don't get me wrong, but I have a track record, and patterns ****ing repeat and they ****ing rule hte ****ing univers.e I could take this zyprexa **** and mix it with remeron and ask my doc her favorite food and make it or order it whatever it is and give her one ****ing bite with the zyprexa/remeron in it and keep the rest of the food from her and tell her if she gets home safely she can have the rest. She won't get the rest of her pint of Chunky Monkey, I will lay my life on the line for that bet (but hey, at this point that don't mean much!).

(At this point the TW turns more SI content)

I don't think this is worth it. Cool, I'll work with some dogs and cats and chinchillas and bearded dragons and whatever the hell else maybe. Maybe I'll get to work in a lab some day. Maybe I'll do this. Is it worth this? I don't know. I don't really feel it's worth finding out. I'm done.

I don't get why I'm this way. I was ****ING FINE TEN MINUTES AGO UNTIL I THOUGHT ABOUT ROBBY! I miss you........ Why does everyone have to go? Why can't I hug someone today and again in a a year and again in five and again in ten and those hugs all feel good and there never be fear??