Things are good

The new job is a big step up in responsibility. The first month is a big change... I have my own dedicated admin support, this employer is big on professional development and having a learning and growth plan in place. In my old role I did a lot of informal training of new staff and supporting regional operations, while doing a LOT of boots in the dirt, on the front line meeting with clients on job sites.

This role will have me doing that about 10% of the time. The majority of the time will be training and supporting regional staff to do that themselves; building communication and training standards for the staff on my team. I'll be working with a budget about 10X anything I've been responsible for before.

So... Work is a challenge, but good. I've accepted it that I've had to let go of some of my part time side gigs to ensure I perform well in this role for my first year.

Family health is an issue. My mom is in hospital and moving into a nursing home soon. Thankfully my brother has been able to be a huge support to her and dad at this time. Me and the kids are going for the Easter weekend to see everyone.

I've become aware of tension that grows in me where I am expecting things to fall apart.... I think the pattern of just anticipating an outburst/drama/problem/fight/etc. is just engrained in me. The last two times it's welled up I've been able to recognize it's just me following a pattern and it's subsided.

I still go through periods of anxiety of being scared of the future, scared of her threats of everything she's going to take, scared of financial ruin. I'm becoming more rational with this.

My lawyer says, "Most likely we'll end up in court in the next three months. At which time we request discovery to find all the money she's taken, and have the value of all her material goods assessed, find out what her rent is and who's paying it, find out who is making her new car payments for her and so on. If she has means, she can support the kids. If she doesn't and someone else is supporting her, then you're off the hook. If she owes child support, the court WILL make her pay that before any other settlement is made. A lot of the time a disordered person will just.... Go away... Once they get news that the well is dry."

Did I tell you all that before she left me, she went out one night and I took photos of all her jewelry and designer purses?

Funny enough.... She didn't claim any of those things as assets. The same as she never told the court about her education and the positions of responsibility she'd held.

Anyway.

Things are OK. Lots of stress, but some very good people around me.