I'm trying to detach from my ex. Very hard thing to do, and while I know I can never live with him again because of the pain and deceit of what happened between us, I keep learning new things that just keep me reeling.

I learned today his girlfriend was charged with felony drug theft. Not pretty. It bothered me to no end to figure this out and think this is a reason why he's not paying child support or wishing to help me with our home. He's more interested in making sure she's taken care of than me or our kids.

I need to detach and overcome some codependency issues I have with him. He shows a lot of behaviors that tell me he may have an addiction or a serious problem (lies even when there is no need to lie, refuses to admit he was a part of the problem in our marriage, that sort of thing).

I attended a COSA meeting last night. It was somewhat helpful to know I'm not alone in this... that i'm not the only one out there with a spouse/ex spouse who was constant cheater and liar. But, still. I don't know yet how to unwrap my head from around HIM totally and focus on myself.

I'm trying hard, but it's difficult to do. Anyone out there who's gone through this? I feel like crap so much of the time, but in a weird way, there's relief too. I know it wasn't me who was the total blame for why we're divorced, even thoough I filed. But... I'm still cleaning up the messes from our divorce too. And I keep remembering the way he was not all that long ago when he wasn't' this way. When he told the truth and was nice... not a lying mean person.