I'm sorry muddy, it sounds as if you really do need some professional help with your ED. Do you think some part of you (the ED part) is glad you are still on meds that suppress your appetite? I'm just wondering. Because at certain points I have flat out told my pdoc, you can prescribe me X med, but you can be sure I will not take it at all, so can we do something different? I am not sure you are pushing/advocating hard enough for yourself (due to the ED, sui thoughts, BPD, BP, etc.).
I am lucky (?) that my only method of purging was overexercise, and I never really binged, just puposefully didn't eat enough calories to support the amount of exercise I was doing.
I have been power walking a lot, not able to sub in pilates until my hurt wrist heals. It is burning a lot of calories, showing on the scale (which of course ED thoughts are happy about, but I'm not that happy when I think what the pdoc will say next week unless I turn it around). Some of it has to be water weight though, I am sweating so much power walking in 90%+ humidity in 70F+ degrees. But I have been more positive with my eating and my snacking and my overall appearance in the mirror, so it's not all bad.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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