I had to recognize patterns in myself, which not even my ts commented on. So for me, other people were not helpful. They need to stay in their lanes, and do what you need them to do. Right now i have a hairdresser and a GP. And occasionally a plumber! After living in this apartment complex for like 30 years, finally my bathtub drains as i am taking a shower. Its ridiculous.

What is / was the problem? My mother thought i needed to be told what to do. I didn't. She just rejected all of my ideas and forced hers on me. I was pretty good at living a false self, but i didnt like it and i was aware it was "not-me."

What worked for me was getting away from her. What complicated things was wanting to be near my nephew while he was growing up. So i lost 20 plus years there.

How are you at saying "no""? I was surprised how bad i was at the exercise in my DBT class.i swear i was the worst. As aggressive an ahole as i am! But it is a protective act. It is being kind to yourself.

For my 8th grade graduation, my dad bought me a broken typewriter. For my wedding shower, he got me a broken sewing machine. W. T. F. Effin hostile. I never clocked it. The office supplies store guy yelled me, "your dad bought you a broken machine. Thats what he thinks of you!" Still didnt register. But its still there mixed in the cheesecake, isnt it. But that was HIS thought, his own father's thoughts - not mine. But youre right - hard to bring the cheesecake forward.

Get safe, get quiet, get steady. If you get off track, get back on. You have someplace to live, thats huge.

ETA - Oops - just read your other post.