I have been ghosted by the woman I had an online 'relationship' with. She has disappeared from all contacts and I haven't heard from her in over a week now. I feel devastated and humiliated in that I allowed myself to feel this way about someone I knew only online. I have never felt this way about someone online before, and I never will again. I'm in my late-30s and I'm too old for this stuff. But I let myself get lured into this anyways because I'm stupid and lazy and ugly.

I had thought I'd found someone after having been single for several years, but now that's gone. It's an awful feeling being betrayed by someone you loved like this. It feels like there's a hole in my chest where my heart had been. I've been crying off and on since yesterday, when I finally decided this radio silence meant it was over. The worst part about it is that if she suddenly reappeared and asked me to, I'd probably take her back. That's because I'm a liar and a coward and I let people walk all over me. I'm just so sad at this, and I'm so lonely in life generally. I hate myself.

I was really excited about meeting her. We'd agreed to meet in late July, and I'd already paid for my plane ticket, car rental, and the airbnb. We'd agreed to meet in Dallas, Texas, because we both thought it was a good idea to meet on neutral ground. But now that that's not happening, I'm still going to spend that week in Dallas, just on my own. I really need a vacation anyways. Maybe that'll help me recover from this.