That sounds excruciatingly horrible. Do you have an exit plan? Are you strategizing on how to end this horrific marriage and get out? Do you have professional support? A counselor? The answer is to leave this man, and you need support doing it. That is no way to live life. Life is meant to be happy and fulfilling, not miserable. Life is short, my dear, far too short, to be dealing with an awful marriage for so long. I truly hope you can find a way out, and I hope you are praying for this as well.