@Blue_Bird, like others have said, be gentle on yourself. You're learning a whole new skill that's part of the fabric of life, which isn't easy.

Success is the result of a lot of failures. Sometimes the failures are private, sometimes not. But it's ok.

The conventional line is 'practice makes perfect' but I think it should be more along the lines of 'practice makes progress' and every bit of progress, no matter how small, is a big deal.

You're doing great and you'll get better at it even if you make mistakes along the way.