@MuddyBoots You definitely don't sound as if you're in a good place or safe for that matter. Could you stay with your mom for awhile? Maybe having someone else around would help a bit? I really got out of control with my ED (and with my care about taking meds as prescribed) when my sister (my roommate when I was in college) started spending nearly all her time with her boyfriends at their places and would only come back a couple times a week to pick up some clothes or a textbook or something she needed. On my own, my self-destructive tendencies were much worse than when I had my sister around full-time.