Honestly? I'd say attempt. If it were a gesture, you would have called someone right after doing it and told them what you had done and asked for help. You really need to get someplace safe even if it is, I know, the psych ER. What if you try it again and you get worse results? What if you try something and don't die but end up with brain damage? Would you be okay with that result?
You need to tell your CM exactly what you did and tell her you are not safe and cannot guarantee you won't try that or something else equally messed up if left alone. You are at the point where you cannot trust yourself alone. If you are alone and start having those thoughts, dial 911. Heck, why didn't you dial it yesterday after you mixed those substances? What you mixed yesterday was EXTREMELY dangerous and potentially fatal and that's for people who don't have issues with way below necessary food intake. You need to get help. Every message I read from you it seems you are doing riskier and riskier and more careless things and self-harming, having sui. ideations. Muddy, you CANNOT be alone. I can't stress this enough. If you don't stay at your mom's go ASAP right to the psych ER or call 911 tell them what you did yesterday and say you are afraid more like that is in store if you don't get help.

I don't know but that some sort of group living situation might be better for you in the current cirumstances at least until you get stabilized. That, or you may need a very extended psych hospitalization, not just a week or two,more like 6 weeks, 2 months, maybe longer. Maybe your stays haven't been long enough to really help you?