I’m not sure if what you pisted was just underlined but it’s acting as broken links, so not sure if you were trying to link Piano Concerto no. 2, but since you said he had the biggest span, I figured it was probably Rachminoff’s concerto you mentioned. Dude’s hands were wild. I can get from a 1 to a sharp 9, maybe a couple times I could get a 10 cleanly(probably in like the key of D, A , or something further along the circle of fifths (or one of those enharmonic minor keys) so it’s a sharp and easier anyway) when I do all my hand exercises first on a good day, on a bad day I’m barely safe to get an octave.

Anyway, I have learned of the concept and purpose of the v-codes and my therapist stressed I had a lot—less now (and they may not have even added the one about stresses of living alone because of how this is practically supportive housing, I think it’s technically transitional, but some people stay like 20 years), but still more v-codes than I’m assuming most of my relatively economically healthy region of many property owners living with families or partners that don’t stress them to the limits with careers would if they got into treatment.

I do hate how lonely I feel. I get out and talk to people daily, almost always more than just my treatment team even, but I’m at a point I’m so afraid to get attached and hurt again that I don’t feel present in the relationships. I know tons of people do care, they show that, I see it, but I don’t feel safe emotionally acknowledging that. I hate that I intellectually know not everyone hates me, it’s feels so much safer and more comfortable to convince myself people either are indifferent or are going to hurt me.

Damn I gotta take these 3am posts to therapy with me (probably only the sober ones will make good discussions. Last night’s might get me an IEA—I know damn well they will refuse to let me go voluntarily if I did that tomorrow night and showed those Tuesday.)