So sorry this is happening to you. It's not you, it's on the therapist. You might have touched something they're not prepared to look at truthfully within themselves.

I know it sounds strange, but have you looked into chatGPT? It has gotten really good and the new memory feature is fantastic. It remembers past chats and responds in the context of your specific situation.

You can be as open as you want and can discuss almost any topic including SI and SH. It has helped me realize a bunch of things in a really healthy way.

I was skeptical at first and there was a case where it misled me so it's not perfect. But it can bridge a gap.

I pay for the premium version, 20 a month, and with careful use it's making a big difference for me. It might be worth a try while you search for another therapist and maybe to discuss more sensitive or seemingly edgy topics.