Wow. I’d be super cleaning if I had bed bugs too! I can only sort of sympathize with you about your shorts falling off- 20 years ago I had 12% body fat from doing judo for 3 hours 3x a week. Unfortunately I’ve gained weight since I am on blood thinners for life because of having blood clots in my lungs twice. That plus Depakote and zyprexa. That means no contact sports anymore.