I think you know what the root of the problem is - life doesn't provide guarantees and yet you need them. This is a huge mismatch between reality and your expectations and since reality cannot be modified, the only way to achieve a more tolerable experience of living for you is to modify the expectations.

I think some behavioral modifications might be in order to solve some of the most urgent problems you are reporting. Say, if you set a rule for yourself: never text a woman again if you have texted something that then requires her response. Never, ever text again. Make it a hard, non-negotiable rule. Since you came to this website, i.e., this forum, you can use this thread to air your anxiety when a woman doesn't instantly respond to your texts. Write about your feelings while you wait for her response, but do not text her again and, obviously, do not ask her for any guarantees. Of course you come across as needy when you ask for guarantees. You also come across as super neurotic. You need to learn to be cool, easy-going, and independent. Since obviously you aren't any of that by nature, you need skills and a desire to inhabit a different persona as if you were acting. The mindset of acting, inhabiting a role will free you from worry that you are being asked to become someone you are not by nature - no, it is not that, but you are just acting cool and chic.

There have been peofessional actors who had stammer IRL but were able to reach the heights of eloquence when in character.

I imagine that AI, possibly Character.ai, can help you. Say, you receive a text from a woman. Before responding, tell AI that it is to write a response as a very confident cool man would write it. See what AI generates for you, and if it is any good, modify and edit so that it sounds human and is in accordance with your own style and use of punctuation and spelling, and send your response to the woman. This strategy has an added benefit of inserting time to think between your receiving a text from a woman and your response. When you have time to think, you are less likely to impulsively ask for guarantees or fall into your usual pattern of exhibiting neediness.

Yours is definitely a very hard problem, but you can try solving it but by bit.

Regarding going to hell, atheism is the simplest worldview to adopt that would rule out that possibility for you, but everything has a flip side, unfortunately, so atheism would rule out heavens, too. I think in your case it is a reasonable trade-off.