Hello @bbat, your post really resonated with me. I just wanted to say that I can empathise with your current situation. I suffered from OCD from a very young age, and it really impacted my life. The rituals I had to go through, for fear that if I didn’t then terrible things would happen to me, nearly drove me to breakdown and exhaustion. When I was a kid discussing this stuff with anyone was out of the question - very taboo. As I got into my mid twenties, information in the form of self-help books really helped me to understand more about myself, my thoughts, and emotions, and to develop strategies that helped enormously. You can get through this and improve your life. I still have to work on it now, but then life is without a doubt a continual work in progress. I just wanted to say that life can get better - there is always hope. Never give up.

There is a lot of information available now, both in the online digital world and printed word, on the issues you are experiencing. It’s a matter of sifting through it, being prepared to investigate and learn. It’s good that you are seeking support from other people. By seeking support you will find solutions to your problems - Tart Cherry Jam’s and CANDC’s replies offer good advice.

Your desire for guarantees in life also hit home to me too. I’ve suffered from this my whole life. It can be a very debilitating and damaging thought process. Therapy most definitely helped me deal with this aspect. I wish I could tell you I found the cure, but I have not. However, with therapy, self-help, self-care, professional support, and patience, life can be good and you can find peace. At the age of 60, I’m glad I worked through some very dark times to get where I am now. There are still bad days, but I’m better equipped to deal with them, and you will be too with time, support and experience.

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope you continue to tell us more about your situation, and hopefully your progress over time.

Jeff.