Yesterday, because I thought my boss had secretly arranged a volunteer opportunity with a select group of teammates, I experienced PTSD symptoms while at work. It shook me up to the core, and I feel very ungrounded as a result today. I have to find the strength to get through this period of time assisting my mother post-surgery, dealing with the issues at work, while juggling personal challenges. It's been a rough ride lately, and I am looking forward to the sun coming out again and shining on me.

I need to be more proactive in solving my problems. I need healing. I am listening to healing meditations. I will seek out YouTube videos from psychologists on healing from trauma. I will do energy clearing and chakra clearing work. I give up on traditional therapy. I have to do my own therapy, and I've recently come to this realization and conclusion.

Weather for the camping trip has changed and looks better. I may be able to go after all, but I gave my gf a heads up anyways. I still feel a bit hesitant about her and mistrustful. I wonder if that's my trauma response talking, or whether it's my intuition telling me something important. It's hard for me to discern.

I have to feel it out more with her and this camping trip will be very revealing for me. I am definitely a bit nervous.

She also tried to change plans completely on me and suggested we drive to 2.5 hours and back separately. I got pissed. She backed down. The plan was always to drive together. I did not react well to her suddenly changing our plans.

It's two weeks from now... I am crossing my fingers this trip goes well.