@Aspiration, I do feel for you. It’s clear this is having a big impact on you. I hope you’ve had a bit of time since posting to think and reflect. Taking time to think about things is really important - your actions now may affect your relationship with your daughter for the rest of your lives.

I’ve always held the view that as a parent I will always feel responsible for my children (26 and 31 now), and I’ll certainly always be there to love and support them as best I can, whatever path they chose to follow in life.

I think the keyword in your post title though is the word “adult”. Your children have grown up. They are adults. You have done your best to bring them up with good values. However, whether they live by those values, or whether they choose to live their life a different way is their choice. Is it up to us as parents to live their lives for them, or take responsibility for their actions? I think theyneed to be free to choose their own path. We just need to be there to love and support, and provide guidance if asked.

It’s interesting that you somehow seem to think that this is your fault, and that you have failed as a parent. If you think about it though, you can guide people and instil values in them, but you can’t really control them. All you can do is control how you react to what they do.

For whatever reason, your daughter has chosen not to share the details of her relationship with you. There may be many different reasons for that, but I wonder if that’s something you need to respect, to come to terms with, and to accept?

If your daughter does choose to talk to you about it, and does seek your advice, then that would your opportunity to offer your counselling.

Jeff.