It sounds like this lady you rent from is incapable of self-reflection. Instead she always sees herself as blameless and you as the one who creates a problem. I can relate somewhat, in that I had a 20 year friendship with a gal who likes to needle people. Usually I would try to not take the bait and would avoid reacting. It seemed that getting a rise out of me was what she was after, like this was her idea of sport.

Once in a while, though, her needling would get to me, and I'ld get upset, and we'ld have a falling out. A few years ago, during a time when I was dealing with serious medical issues, she launched into one of her needling sessions. I just had had it. I got mad and ended the friendship. Sometimes, I wish I had handled it differently. I do miss her friendship. In truth, she was always more of a taker than a giver. But I had accepted her, as she was. I don't feel guilty about the rift because she really was asking for it. She constantly played games of verbal one-ups-manship. It got old.

Still, I ask myself what I could have done differently? I think it would have been better to have figured out how to set and enforce some boundaries. As an introvert, I don't have great social skills. Rather than spar with someone, I tend to withdraw. I think it would have been better to do neither, but, rather, to calmly call her out on her verbal game-playing. I could have said, "I don't look for things to criticize in you, so why do you enjoy putting me down?" That might have actually got her to thinking.

When someone invites you to a "head game," you have the option of declining to go there with them. Hopefully, I'll employ that strategy more skillfully in other relationships. The old saying is, "You teach people how to treat you." People who are always looking to challenge us probably are hungry for attention. It might be best to disengage the moment that crap starts. Then you deprive them of the gratification of feeling they can get to you. Maybe you can figure out a strategy along those lines.

Your situation is difficult because you depend on this lady for shelter. If you're reasonably comfortable with this housing arrangement, you probably don't want to lose it. I too have rented spare rooms in other people's apartments. I know the pitfalls that can occur. It's a business arrangement. Yet, you want to be friendly. Striking the right balance can be tough.

Keep in mind that you do have some leverage. This lady is probably glad of the rent she collects from you. She probably also places value on the companionship that you being there provides. I've lived alone for the past 5 years. It can be depressing at times. Your challenge is to place limits on how you'll allow her to interact with you. That can be tough to accomplish. It's kind of like training a dog. It takes patience, firmness, consistency. I'm not saying your landlady is a dog, but there are parallels. You want to encourage acceptable behavior and not reinforce unwelcome behaviors.

Do you spend time with her in the kitchen and living room? Maybe spend more time in your room. Let her miss you for a while. It sounds like there is enough good in this arrangement that it's worth salvaging. Feel free to come here to vent when it seems like it's going off the rails.