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"What if I could learn to correct these reactive tendencies in myself? That would be something, and because at times the knee jerk reactions are so immediate... there seems to be no space whatsoever between the stimulous and the response, how do I ever get into that gap with any degree of conscious awareness before the reaction is triggered?"
This is the 10 trillion dollar question ! Do you know how fast all this happens ? I think that before you even say what you say your in a fight or flight mode. Which means you will act instantaneously to a provocation. There is no time for your prefrontal cortex to override what's coming out of your limbic system. I think some people are made a certain way. Some people ,( with much practice ) , can intercept those signals and be able to take a deep breath or count to ten or whatever.
Anyhow I just wanted to say you are validated. And don't wait for her to tell you that because a true narcissist never apologizes .
I would try and start looking for different living arrangements. She.will always have the upper hand in the situation your in.
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Trying to Live in the Moment
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