I lost my husband four years ago. I had been through loss of a sister and both parents, but the grief process for my husband has by far been the most difficult. It is difficult to explain that difference to people who haven’t experienced it. A friend of mine (who also lost her husband this year) and I have had many a discussion about this.

The initial period gets sucked up in the legal and financial matters, so our experience was that the grieving doesn’t even really get truly underway at first. It’s all such a blur and fog for quite some time.

I had no choice but to go back to work pretty quickly. I literally was back at school within ten days because I had to close out the school year, finalize grades, shut down my classroom. But I was on autopilot for that time.

Your therapist will have to figure out for herself at what point she feels able to effectively function in her work. Unfortunately, there is no one rule for how that process works. It just is something each person has to discern for themselves.

Many years ago, my therapist lost his son to cancer. It all happened rather quickly. My memory is that he took a good month or so before returning to the office. In the meantime, I was able to see his associates if I needed to, but I didn’t really do that. When he returned, he was very open about what had happened and where he was in his own process. His openness was helpful because it kept him human and real, and it really wasn’t difficult to get back on track.

My own experience was that once I was back in my classroom full time (after the summer break), I had no problem compartmentalizing my work life from my personal grief process. In fact, work was a welcome distraction for the hours I was teaching. I might have woken up crying (yeah, that’s a thing) and been sad or angry or lonely in the evenings, but those teaching hours were all about my kids and my lessons.

I suspect your therapist will know when it’s time to return and will be able to compartmentalize also. I remember my own therapist telling me that the ability to do that is really the only way to survive as a therapist: between home and office; between one client and the next; between their own stuff and their clients’ stuff.

In the meantime, journal, read, write. If you have other resources of support, let them know what you’re going through. Feel free to write a note to your therapist and deliver it to her office (not too long). She’ll receive it eventually and it will be appreciated by her and allow you to express your concern and care.