Quote:
Originally Posted by Brain Toomer
Well heck! I was assembling a reply some hours ago, with quotes interspersed with my thoughts and I had put alot of work into it but I fell asleep before completing and posting it.... just woke up and wanted to get back to it and it is nowhere to be found! I guess I was assembling it in one of these Quick Reply windows, copying and pasting bits and pieces from elsewhere, etc.. But for whatever reason it's gone. I've been looking everywhere and it looks like I'll have to start over. ***big sigh***
OK I had started off saying how difficult parts of this process are to me. Really, unbelievably difficult for me to grasp certain things. For example -- I'm hearing alot of feedback about the kind of person Bev likely is: someone who will never take responsibility, never acknowledge or validate my perspective when conflict arises... And the following from Have Hope:
Reading this information it is scary how accurately it describes Bev. On one level, I don't want to believe it. For these things to be true, it seems like she must be a truly terrible person. And these descriptions do ring true, very true. But I have a very difficult time accepting the idea that she is a terrible person. She exhibits alot of love and compassion for sick, homeless animals, and will go so far as to take a sick homeless animal to the vet and pay for its treatment and care, often very expensive and something she really can't afford. She commiserates alot about how skyrocketing cost of living is impacting her financially. And I note many things she does without for financial reasons and yet she will over extend to help a sick animal. How can that be a terrible person? She also has been paying a monthly amount to support a child in Africa who she only knows by letters the child has written and photos she's received that she has on the fridge. Don't you have to be a compassionate, caring person to do something like that and keep it up over a period of years? How can these loving, caring traits be real alongside the horrible traits being described earlier? I am really having a hard time fitting all this in my head.
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Narcissists are pros at creating a false persona that makes them APPEAR to be good people on the surface. It's called putting on their "masks". When they take off their masks, or their false persona, they reveal their true selves.
it's not two different and opposing sides to a person either. When the mask comes off, that's the real person. So the woman who throws hurtful zingers your way, then blames you for your reaction to the hurt they've caused, and who says you're delusional, is the REAL PERSON underneath the false "mask".
My ex husband, who is a diagnosable narcissist, would pretend to be a friend to animals. He expressed a lot of false empathy towards animals, and that was all a part of his false image that he portrayed to make people think he has empathy. He showed ZERO empathy towards me in our marriage, which is what told me that his image is false and that he is wearing a mask pretending to be empathetic.
Yes, it's really hard to believe, and it's a tough pill to swallow, especially if you want to see and believe the best in people. But in life, not all people are who they present themselves to be. When a person shows you who they really are the first time, believe them.
If you educate yourself on narcissism, you will be far more equipped to both understand and avoid these horrible people.
So, in essence your so-called friend is certainly not a good person. She is extremely disordered. Narcissism is a severe mental health personality disorder, and the sooner you see this and accept this, the better off you will be.
You should be able to post now without moderation, after 5 posts, I do believe.