I am saying I am okay but I honestly am not, I am hurting more than any of these words put together. I cry, than I carry on then I cry some more. I smile like I am okay but instead I just want to scream, scream at the universe for being so cruel. But also thanking it in the same breathe for letting me having few things to hold on to in times for comfort. I cry because some days I just want to call the school line or even her cell and say "can we please talk", talk about the weight I have been carrying around for nearly 20 years. But I don't because at this last thing I want to do is come off desperate. But instead I am dying by the day.