I don think anyone was saying Bev is a horrible person. She has personality quirks like all of us do. Some are more hurtful than others. Your "reactive tendencies" are human nature. What CANDC.said about taking a big breath is a good one. Try not to respond immediately. If you have to ,turn and walk away. Give yourself time to process what was said and how you want to respond.... Not reactive.
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Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always....
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