I was SO nauseous tonight and had the worst headache, and I think I've figured out why. I think I've been slowly going through loxapine withdrawal. It was SO bad tonight I seriously thought I was going to spew, so I took one out of desperation to see if it would help, and I think it has. It's difficult to say because at the same time I took Tylenol and dramamine, but I'm feeling a bit better.

If that was all loxapine withdrawal fck it, I'm staying on 20mg! That felt like benzo withdrawal, except the nausea was worse.

I feel so hopeless. 😔 Like I'm stuck on all these stupid meds because whenever I try going off one it ends in some sort of disaster. I've tried Lamictal (caused severe depression), gabapentin (severe anxiety and seriously bad impulsive behavior!), propranolol (bad heart palpitations), diazepam (got down to 20mg and was doing okay, but husband found out and got upset so I went back to my regular dose) and now loxapine (got down to 10mg from 50mg but at 10mg caused bad nausea and headaches and anxiety).

Honestly, what the fck am I supposed to do?! Just accept that I'm going to be a walking pharmacy forever? 😭 😭 😭 I think my brain is permanently fcked up. And I ALLOWED it to happen because I'm a FOOL.