1yr 4mnths or 486 days since my final consumption of alcohol. strange times, good times, time of trudging and taking in my life. i was never told my amends would be easy, and i never believed they would be, but the real roadblock has been myself. the step itself has this feeling of weight lifting from my shoulders and feeling like i can breathe.

consumption of thc is basically zero now, not that it was really an addiction, but i prefer a clear mind even if i experience some physical pain to do so. my mind is sharp, concise and constructive most days. my self-respect is at a point i've never felt before. i'm learning to like who i am and let go of all of the pain. i'm getting closer to forgiving myself for my transgressions. i realize i'm forgiving the people who harmed me slowly, more and more, every day. accepting life on life's terms, and belief that i have more to offer than i ever realized is so different from how i ever have been before. i don't have a using or drinking problem. i have a thinking problem. and i'm putting the work in that i will have to do for a lifetime, and i'm so grateful that i will get the opportunity to. even really hard days are special to me, i grow on the worst ones. the best ones are the product of that growth.