It’s not even me that gets hurt, I don’t even consider myself a real person at this point. My memory is crap, I am just as pissed anywhere as anywhere, I don’t realize where I am a good portion of the day, and trying to “be better” just ends up feeling shytty when I assume being better will lead to tolerating life, but I don’t kniw, maybe I just haven’t done it for a long enough time because it’s Fking IMPOSSIBLE to do that day in and day out and ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET OUT OF THIS BODY AND OFF THIS PLANET.

Sure, it might traumatize anyone that cares about me, that happens when you get tased in front of your Grandma, yeah, but she’s dead now and probably doesn’t think about it now that nothings left of her but some ashes at the Veterans Cemetery. My mom probably gets ashamed if people ask about me, that probably sucks for her.