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Maybe look up oppositional defiant disorder in adults. Everything you just wrote in your response fits that.
You are not hopeless but you have to want to change, nobody can do that for you.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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